Why didn’t you finish college? I can’t count how many times I have been asked that. It doesn’t seem to matter how hard I have worked in my life to get to the position I’m in or the knowledge I have gained along the way. There seems to be an assumption that no degree equals indolence, unintelligence, and a lack of focus.
During a conversation with family around the kitchen table at my sister’s house just talking about ordinary life things like our children and jobs, my mom mentioned the fact that I am the only one out of her five children who didn’t finish college. As a forty-seven-year-old woman who worked extremely hard to get where I am and overcoming many mental obstacles in life to get to my position, I became angry instead of feeling less than as I did when it was brought up in conversations in the past.
Generational Expectations Can Be Hard to Shake
My mother is eighty-seven and a product of the Silent Generation. She was an awesome mom, the best really, but still a product of that generation where you go to college, work hard, be a spend-thrift and save a huge nest-egg for retirement. That generation didn’t recognize anything related to mental health. One worked, suffered in silence, and didn’t bring up their mental struggles or feelings. Suck it up, put your nose to the grind and do what must be done. In all honesty, I saw how hard my mom worked and I never wanted to bother her with my struggles, but I think subconsciously, I was afraid to bring up my anxieties to her. I definitely didn’t want to bring up anything to my father. So, in turn, I suffered in silence, hid my anxiety issues, and got really good at faking it till I made it.
During this conversation at my sister’s, I bit at my mom and said, “you wouldn’t have said that if I was a man.” My mom looked at me stunned and my sister said something like, “whoa” to which I replied, “No, it’s crap. I’m the director of a program, I make a decent salary. I’m tired of it.” I continued, “It’s true, I have never heard of anyone asking a man that.”
Reflecting on this conversation, I pondered how often degreeless women in administrative roles, who have advanced their careers through hard work and determination, just as many men do, might meet similar probes about their educational journeys in a judgmental manner.
For Many Women, College Is the Way to Success
Statistically, since 2014 more women are finishing college then men.
Find more statistics at Statista
There is no doubt most degrees bring a better chance at a good career, even if the degree has nothing to do with what a person actually ends up doing. Women always have to work harder and invest in themselves more to have a chance in a man’s world. In my field, I know no one who climbed the ladder. They all have degrees and I feel as if I am always dodging the dreaded, “So, where did you go to school?” question. Whenever I truthfully respond without diverting the conversation, their expressions toward me tend to shift with a mix of surprise and condescension, accompanied by a predictable high-pitched “Oh…” followed by an awkward change in topic. The stigma in the professional world is sometimes like a blaring red stamp on my forehead, “NONSTARTER.” Then the inevitable imposter syndrome tries to creep into my gut like an aching cramp.
Over a Quarter of Men Have a Good Job Without a Degree.
When men are asked why they didn’t finish college in one study, they are more inclined than women to attribute their lack of a four-year degree to not requiring further education for their desired job or career. Over a quarter of men agree they had a decent job without a degree, in contrast to 20% of women. I don’t know the statistics on what kind of jobs these men hold but I can guess they range from sales, computer jobs to the skilled trades like plumbing or HAVAC where they can often get an apprenticeship. And this is accepted, as it should be. Especially for sales where a man can start as a floor salesperson and end up owning the company. So why should it be so strange for a woman to work her way up?
Is College the Only Path?
Years ago, before colleges and universities convinced people into thinking they have no chance at a decent career unless they committed themselves to decades of student loan debt for liberal arts degrees or the similar, most people worked their way up unless they absolutely needed a degree for jobs such a physician, teacher, or engineer. Outside of those highly skilled jobs, most jobs that ask for a minimum of a bachelor’s degree in anything, don’t really need a degree to do the job; most jobs and their intricacies could be acquired through firsthand experience in the desired field.
That’s how I grew, and as a result, I have achieved significant success and earned the respect of my peers and clients within my community. But even despite all my advancement and knowledge gained along the way to qualify for my role, I am still asked why I didn’t finish college. At this point, why does it matter?
Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don’t.
When talking to my other sister about this, who is a nurse practitioner, she recalled a time when she was still a registered nurse, and a male patient asked her why she didn’t finish school. The underlying assumption behind the question was clear: the patient was questioning why she hadn’t pursued a medical degree to become a doctor. My sister said she replied to the patient, “I did finish school, I have a Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree.” Perhaps this person thought they were complimenting my sister because she is so smart and such an impressive nurse, but in actuality, it was very diminishing to her very comprehensive field of study and her years of commitment and just plain hard work.
It was honestly surprising for me to hear that my sister, who is a highly educated person in her field, was still subjected to this kind of degrading question and she had a degree! For some women, it’s damned if they do, damned if they don’t. I am sure there are many men who suffer the same question, but I do believe it is still more accepted for a man to climb the ladder versus getting a degree. I also know my mom’s comment stems from her generational mindset.
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
It is obvious for many degreed people in 2023, a degree didn’t equate to a decent job and many companies who are requiring a minimum of a bachelors in whatever liberal arts fields aren’t finding willing candidates at the salaries they are offering. I do think it’s time the stigma of being degreeless dissolves. There are many paths to success and any success achieved through a path of hard work, honesty and fortitude should be respected.
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