By
Donna Scrafano, MHS
Embracing Singlehood
This baby-boomer has been single for 30 years and although I was raised or “conditioned” to be a wife and mother, I must say that the last 30 years have been quite pleasant. Honestly, I was happier being a single parent, then I was being in a double parent household. For good reasons, of course. Being a single woman or mother, for my generation, was frowned upon. At the very least, in my family of origin, it was indeed frowned upon.
Societal Expectations
I remember going to family functions and one, in particular, aunt would always comment “Donna, why doesn’t a pretty girl like you have a man?” I told my mother that if my aunt asked me that one more time, I was going to answer “Because I’m a Lesbian, that’s why, Aunt Concetta.” I believe my mother turned a few shades of red, blue and possibly green. After all, she was still grappling with the “family” devastation of me being divorced. I advised, “you can breathe, Betty, I was just hoping to end such inquiries.” And in her most loving mom form, she replied, “Oh! Donna!”
Self-Discovery
I was thirty something, when divorced, and yes I dated a lot throughout my thirties, forty’s and early fifty’s. I was actually engaged, in my forties. However, I was smarter than when I was in my teens and twenties. Therefore, I ended that relationship MUCH quicker.
Somewhere in my late forty’s and early fifty’s I decided that it wasn’t much fun anymore attempting to raise a man. You see, it seemed that the men I dated or had more serious relationships with still needed to be raised. I remember thinking, “wouldn’t it be nice to meet a man who may want to finish raising me?” I chuckle now thinking. . . ” like that could’ve happened.” I’m sure Betty is, in Heaven, getting a good chuckle out of that thought, as well.
Prioritizing Self
So I decided to continue to raise myself. “Single” handedly. I returned to college to obtain a Master’s Degree in Human Services, returned to intense emotional therapy and fully learned what exactly it meant to indulge in self care. Massages, additional supplements, continuation of eating healthier, removal of toxic people, and later on acupuncture, Rieki, and other means of self care took place. The operative word being “self” or in the case of this article “single” care.
Happiness Within
I learned how to be happy with me. I’ve become my own best company, some days. As the American Motivational Author and founder of Hay House, Louise Hay, has quoted throughout her career “Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” This quote has stood the test of time, it’s so very, very true. I honestly don’t believe that we can find complete happiness unless we love ourselves. Completely.
Empowering Others Through Experience
I sometimes watch younger women or even women my age continue the burdens of putting their needs last or discounting them altogether; staying in a relationship that is wearing them down. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. It truly saddens me. There’s so much more to life.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against having a “healthy” relationship. Maybe, just maybe one day that may happen. But if it doesn’t, it truly is more than just ok to be “single”. It can be a blessing, in that you get to know yourself better. You get to work on yourself. Most importantly, you get to learn how to love yourself. A gift that some of us just didn’t receive early on.
Signed: Until further notice,
HAPPILY SINGLE
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